In case you didn’t read the title this article is about being a gay black man in the Philippines. I want to make a disclaimer that this is based on my (Jovanne’s) experiences and is my perspective only. I make no claim to represent the opinions of anyone other than myself. With that lets get started.
So when I first arrived here I had a lot of things going through my head. I knew they’d want to experiment with me sexually and I had all these ideas swimming in my head of how racist Asians are against Blacks. Having heard from other friends that in Thailand, for example, that if you’re black they’ll take you to bed but they won’t take you to a movie. I wasn’t sure which would win out.
Well good for me the former won out! Sex wise the Philippines is a paradise for me. This culture seems to embrace its sexuality and the guys haven’t much compunctions asking for what they want! But they weren’t as upfront, to the point of being rude, as I experienced in Mexico.
My first experience was with a young man I had been communicating with prior to arrival. He came to my hotel the day my plane landed and we did the deed. It hurt so good for him. He’s been asking for more ever since.
The second experience was about a week later in my first condo. The guy and I spoke on grindr then on the phone for an hour. He came over and then he said ‘oh I didn’t know you were fat I’m going to pass’ .WTF! I was this close to punching him in the face and he knew it to which is why he quickly extended his hand as a handshake to prevent any violence. Luckily that hasn’t been an issue anymore.
As you may have already guessed screwing Asians is different from screwing Black guys. The average dick size here is 3.5-5 inches. So you can imagine the issues a Black guy with an average 7-7.5 inch dick may have here.
It goes without saying that one must be very gentle and use lots of lube!
Ok so I knew I was going to get a lot of sex in the Philippines but what about dating? Would the Filipinos be willing to take a negro home to mom? My first real boyfriend was a fellow with HIV (thank God I was on Prep). He was a teacher at a local school. He showed me off to all of his friends, family, and even his students!
Wow! Okay but maybe that was just one brave soul. My second boyfriend was another young man that worked at a bank. He was also HIV+. He took me home after about a week and introduced me as his boyfriend not just a friend. Wow two for two! They both constantly took photos of us and posted it on their facebook accounts for all to see. There was no shame in either of their games. In fact they were both proud to have me as their boyfriend!
There were some cross cultural dating differences. My boyfriends admitted that sometimes they found me to be blunt and ‘weird’ whereas I sometimes found them to be weird and confused their cultural standards for playing games.
1. HIV is rampant here Philippines HIV Capital of Asia. If you come here PREP and are a must.
2. Sometimes I feel like foreigners get the guys that the other Filipinos don’t want. Sadly HIV is a dating death sentence here. The education on HIV isn’t the best and the meds they get are a decade old and still have the horrible side effects of past cocktails. My first boyfriend would get horrible migraines and asked me squeeze his head as hard as I could to relieve the pain. The second threw up just from walking down the street.
I don’t judge those with HIV. As far as I’m concerned they didn’t do anything I didn’t do they just got caught with their hand in the cookie jar. That being said the meds they take really affect certain things like their sex drives for one. I have a healthy libido and I learned about myself that yes sex is important and I’d have a difficult time staying with someone that had a low libido.
Gold diggers are just a fact of life for any foreign expat in the Philippines whether they are gay, straight, white, black, green, or yellow. This is a relatively poor country and to many people here if you’re an American you might as well be Bill Gates.
Many gays are also clever. They know not to ask for money in exchange for sex or right away. Instead they’ll reel you in with good sex and feigned interest at which point they will have some sort of ’emergency’ that they need your help with.
Luckily I learned all the tricks pretty quickly. The key is to think with your big head not the little one and you’ll be fine here. Also please don’t become bitter and treat everyone with an open mind not all the guys that approach you are gold diggers.
Also its not just the dating. To landlords, small business owners, taxi drivers, and many other folks you’re just a walking ATM machine. Expect to get inflated prices almost anywhere you go where the price isn’t written down. That is until you learn the ropes.
Is there racism in the Philippines? Yes. I have experienced both racism from ignorance and racism from…well…racism. Some examples of racism from ignorance were some less educated people saying ‘whats up nigga?’ to me. I chased some punk kids in my subdivision for doing that after I had already instructed them not to say that to me anymore. Some blatant examples of racism would be a ladyboy who called me a chimpanzee because I declined to court her/him.
That being said the Philippines is a lot less racist than the States. Case in point at night I was walking home and walked up behind some girls. I accidentally surprised them and they didn’t even flinch. In America they would’ve screamed followed by ‘sorry’.
The Bottom Line
I love being a gay black man in the Philippines! I’ve been to many countries around the world focusing on Asia and Latin America. The Philippines so far has been the best place for a gay black man to live. They are so polite, you won’t have a problem getting dates, and its very inexpensive to live here. Also, I love the attempted non-stares when the public sees a large black man hold hands with a little Filipino guy. It’s funny to watch!
A person that wants everything their way and it expects to maintain the same standard of living that exists in the US probably wouldn’t enjoy it here as much. It’s the tropics so bugs are king here. I opened my refrigerator door and found a bunch of frozen ants inside a couple of times. In addition things that we consider basic in America, for example the phone bill actually arriving to your house can be shaky. You must be adaptable and understand that you’re in their country not the other way around.